One year later . .

As the title says, here i am ONE YEAR LATER to update my blog, but you know what, it felt so so strange to read back all my previous posts. :/ Some were good to read, in the sense that i was able to look back at myself(which seemed like a totally different person) but on another note it was really uncomfortable to read some parts which ended being a bunch of lies, so ya, i did some 'editting' to the blog. ;)

Here's a really funny thing, why do i always get the urge to 'luahkan perasaan' every time i have important exams coming up?? LOL. But seriously though, the last time i blogged was SPM season and now i have finals coming up for my Foundation in Engineering. Yes peeps, got in Nottingham and i'm loving it! One of the proudest and best decisions in my life. Who knew I'd be this happy after all that massive confusion and almost giving up on what i wanna do and who i wanna be.

Another chapter of my life has taken a dramatic turn too, its 'him'. Well we called it quits about 10 months ago. The whole 'being in love with your best friend' thing ended up being a total mess. Like expected, EVERYTHING changed when he came home, but to both our disappointment, it changed for the worse. I wasn't the only one who felt it, Nomee(the only one who hadn't left for Uni or College at that time) saw me 'deteriorating'. Then again, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? And here's my testimony of strength that with God's help I've learned to understand that everything happens for a reason and I've turned over a new leaf.

As a result, a MUCH MUCH BETTER chapter has opened, no i am not seeing anyone new, but i am having higher quality relationships in my life now. I'm at peace with him and his family is still super nice to me(really like that :D). To sum things up, I've learned the most important lesson i needed at the right time, just before Uni life, DON'T COMMIT WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T, when you know it's too much, when you know it's not right.

God was greater than all my mistakes and confusions. My God is a God of forgiveness, a God of love, He's the one planning my life and all its ups and downs, I willing accept. We all should. Eventually, we all go, "Oh now i know why that happened! If it wasn't for that incident, I wouldn't be this happy now!".

God bless and have an AWESOME POSSUM DAY!! :D

~back to Thermal Science B

Love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Love can be different things to different people.
Some believe that even dogs can love.
It all lies in the heart, and though at times we too cant answer the questions of our hearts, The One who created our hearts and its emotions will answer our questions.
All i gotta do, is ask Him and trust Him.

No answer can be more fulfilling than this.
Father, hear my prayer, help me to live Your word.
Amen.

changes

wow. can't believe it's been months since my last post. haha. it has happened before though. hmm. let's see. what can i update on, or more like where should i start.
sighs. well, reading my old posts again made me feel like such a grown up looking back on my 'younger days'. SPM was over so long ago, so was my schooling life. there's just so many other things that has taken over my life.
what are they? hmm. mainly it would be him. He's been my main priority for the past 6 months and more. I guess that was unhealthy in a way coz i didnt give him enough space and it lead to many pushy and rude arguements and very little understnading.
but everything happens for a reason and you just gotta respect God's plan for you. *as hard as it may seem. =(
i dunno why when i write on my blog i start talking bout things i've never spoken before. dangerous la this blogging thing. haha. but it really help you uncover so many sides of your life. =) who knew right?
well lemme summarize it a lil bit la.

-currently doing my degree in relaxing.
-enrolled in University of Nottingham for Foundation in Engineering programme July intake.
-sis will be coming back around the time i'll be starting my studies.
-he'll be doing his STPM here in taiping.

*he just sent a text saying he likes my smile. =) funny fellow.

my relationship with him is another one of life's unexplainable mysteries. maybe that's why it's beautiful in a way. okay. enough about that. all my posts somehow end up being about him. let's spice it up a lil bit eh? =)

being 18 is real transition phase. you know they always say teenagers are the 'in between'. they get stuck whether to be children or to be grown ups. lets just say 18 is the peak of that 'stuck' phase. you gotta make very important decisions yet you can't make major decisions. sighs. what can i say. critical point of life. what's the solution? DROP IT. don't think too much. dont eat yourself up every time you innocently upset another. accept it. accept it all. it helps you grow. *a thought just came to my mind, he'd say 'real grandmother la you' everytime i talk this much.

=)

enough said for now.

MCANEZDAVYSONSDANIELFEREERA

a couple of things took place this week. let's see-

-he got his phone back
-i skipped school 4 times
-the Bio SUCCESS book that i'm reading never seems to get thinner
-his birthday gift from me which was suppose to be delivered next week reached him this week
-mom got into an accident. some dude on the bike crashed into the car but no one was injured thanks to our solid car and to GOD ALMIGHTY. AMEN.
-sis called from Cuba and i told her i'm into someone. =) she's dating too. it was nice to talk.
-he sent me a random text asking me to unscramble the names in a string of letters. LOL. only took me a couple of seconds to recognize the names.

MCANEZDAVYSONSDANIELFEREERA

hmm. well the highlight of the week would be . . . SPM IS 10 DAYS AWAY!! . . .

that's it! i'm finishing bio this weekend and i'm finishing sejarah and bm throughout the week. no compromises. sighs. Ya Tuhanku, tolonglah bantu saya. <---desperado.

mono

trials are so freaking near but im not terrified enough! well. if i really was extremely terrified then i'd be studying 24/7 or something but nope. still pretty relaxed over here. oh well. amen to that anyway. =)

i've been checking out this cool pair of Nike's online. they're the 6.0 series and much to my despair its not in Malaysia. not yet anyway. hmmm. but they're the nicest i've seen. im willing to push that aside for now. =(

thanu will be leaving for Cuba in seconds(27days). 6 years is a very long time but she'll do fine im sure. i mean she's so into medicine and stuff, she'll definitely pull through. =) while she's gonna be there achieving her dream to be a doctor, i wonder where i'll be in the next six years. NS is gonna steal away 3 months. =( positive thinking dee. =) hmmm. maybe college. psychology. engineering. local. private. thought about all of that so much i finally decided to just let things take place on its own. especially since i keep changing my mind so often. oh man. i promised myself i'd log out 24 minutes ago. study timetable not working 100% for me. LOL. okay. study time.

teacher's day(14/5/2010)

sighs. quite a day i must say. for starters it was the last time i was EVER gonna celebrate teacher's day as an official student from Convent. last year wert! =( anyway, it was still super awesome!! i performed for the teachers and its probably gonna be my last performance in school after all these years. sighs. there's a story behind the performance actually. just exactly one week before the celebration, Mrs.Cecilia came to my class and called me out.

she was like "Deeviya i need you to perform for teacher's day."
and i was like "teacher!! how? what? how to prepare??"
and she was like "c'mon la Deeviya, last year wert. im sure you can do wan. anyway, the teachers want a whole new routine and song. not your ori."
and i was like "teacher!! whole new routine?? wh-? sighs. *deep breath. okay teacher, i'll try my best."

then there were these two other girls standing there. never quite seen them before. juniors, form 2 ni. and Mrs.Cecilia said they were experienced barathanatyam dancers and they should be a good help. figured that should be okay. at first, i was like worried that these girls might be troublesome. but turned out they're VERY professional, super obedient and VERY good at their dancing. it was a 'never judge a book it's cover' experience. =)
we stayed back in school almost everyday to practice. and i was like cracking my head to think of the songs and choreography between homework, studying, tuition classes and attending to personal stuff. anyway, i prayed that He will guide me and eventually things turned out so well. i combined bits of 3 songs. Taal Se Taal(modern version) from the Hindi movie 'Taal', Ringa Ringa from Slumdog Millionaire and instrumental music from Hindi movie 'Takshaak'(my ori dance piece). figured semi-classical would be the right choice.
on the actual day, we were like waiting in the nearby class for the emcee to announce us. then when they announced and we walked out, my friends were all like shouting "DEEVIYA!DEEVIYA!DEEVIYA!" and according to Lisa, she shouted "I LOVE YOU DEE!" LOL. sooooo terharu. that's friendship&love wei, it comes with support. they all knew i had a hectic week and they knew the performance is for them too in a way.
hmm. that's why i kinda like being a performer/dancer. it is ABSOLUTELY NOT for the money(kinda why i never accept money for any performance) or fame, just to make people smile and clap. =) i was trying to avoid pics on Facebook. but kena tag pula. anyway, everyone enjoyed the performance very much. glad the teachers liked it too. some of them actually gave me a thumbs up. the performance itself was for them so you can predict how satisfying it was to see them so pleased. LOL. got loads of positive comments from my friends and the juniors. Anita told me she wants to learn barathanatyam. LOL. cute la she. and the best part of all, i ENJOYED myself soooooo much. =D and at the end of the day, i realised something CLEARLY. i've been dancing for 12 years now and it never really hit me this hard. we discover our own identity as we live our lives right? our personality is our discovery. hmm.
i discovered a vital part of me that day. i am a performer&dancer. and i sure as hell like it. =) AMEN TO THAT!!

night safari-ing

this is yet another late update but i so gotta note this down. well last saturday night, sifu decided that the whole debate gang should go night safari-ing(is that even a word??). anyway, it was a beautiful chilly night, clear sky, bright moon, perfect day for the Georgians to bond with their twin in the zoo. our sifu got married recently and we hadn't met his wife. so the night safari thingy was a good chance for us to meet her and get to know her. she turns out to be a very sweet and gentle person, perfect for sifu. anyway, May Khei decided to join us too. so it was nice to see her again after so long. we were all acting so crazily the entire time we were in the zoo. one of the funny scenes were when the boys were admiring the wild boars' cool HAIRSTYLE and also watching a camel pee. LOL. quite a night huh?? well, that's just to name a few. we had lots of laughs and a very good time watching animals. hmm. i gotta say, there's a big difference when you watch 'em in the day and when you watch 'em at night. somehow i prefer night. we entered the zoo around 8.30 and came out close to 11. sifu decided to head home first. he seemed real tired and its probably coz of a long day at the hospital. anyway, the rest of us continued goofing and crapping while waiting for some of us to go back. most of us decided to go for supper at Taman Tasik Food Court. didn like the fact that we ate out of polystyrene but in such a crowded public place, you cant do much. anyway, after supper we got bored real fast. so we designed a masterpiece out of whatever we ate and drank. LOL. as you can see in the pic, it was all very entertaining but the dudes working there(meaning those who actually clean up) were giving us funny stares. haha. dad picked me up and i reached home bout 12.30am. had a blast alright. the next event is probably gonna be our annual debate dinner. looking forward to that. till then its back to school, tuition and books. =)